a little bit of a wake up call

My Mom had a total knee replacement surgery last week and has been in a rehab facility since thursday. She’s absolutely miserable. It’s basically a rehab nursing home type place, and the physical therapy she’s going through is fine and her therapists are fantastic she claims, which is part of the reason why she choose to go there.

The worst part is that every night I’ve called her, she’s made me promise to never put her in a nursing home ever. She’s really been bothered by the demeanor of the staff with the exception of the PTs while staying there.

I don’t know which has affected me more, not being able to get out of VA to go see her in person, or the attempts I’ve made to hold back emotion in these nightly phone calls as we discuss the situation. In the past, my father who’s offered financial support with the idea that I don’t have to pay him back, ‘just make sure to take care of mom when I’m gone’ has always been our little joke of sorts. I’m not laughing so much about it now.

I know the circle of life has to take it’s course, but it’s not easy when you’re faced with it in your daily thoughts. When I really think about it, It’s been in the back of my mind on a regular basis since I was about 8 or 9. Lying in bed, listening to my radio, understanding that some day I might go to sleep and never wake up. pretty fuckin’ sobering thoughts for a 9 year old, eh? Not much has changed in the last 24 years.

While my Mom is fine and she’ll go home soon, it’s just knowing that someday, there will be a time, when it’s my turn to take care of her. Being the youngest and a daughter, I’ve already decided that more than likely I’ll be the one to take care of my Mom. No matter what the situation, I’ll open my home to her and let her live out her days in the companionship of me and hopefully, a son-in-law and some more grandchildren, whomever they may be.

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